Today the husband and I took our oldest girl to see a therapist that Disability hired to check her out and see if she is worthy of disability. Sounds strange when you write it down. I learned that my poor baby is more depressed than even I realized. She and I filled out paperwork and I noticed that she circled phrases like ‘I am unworthy’. This showed me that I have more work ahead.
I also felt a good energy from this therapist. Each room of his
office had certain colored candles lit and incense burning in his
office. The aroma was sage. Good sign. We both left feeling actually
energized. Jessica was actually ‘giggly’.
A good sign.
She asked me if we could pray to Grandfather; a phrase I have never heard her use but one I know she has heard.
You see, I am 1/4 Sioux but was raised on the Navajo res where my
mother worked as a teacher and an advocate to bring the Navajo children
home that were taken away and adopted to Caucasian families . My
siblings and I were sort-of adopted and were taught the way of these
wonderful people. It’s difficult for some to understand my upbringing
when they look at my father’s Irish-Scot blood in me and think of me as
‘Native’. My siblings look like they were born and bred in the Navajo
way with their dark skin and dark hair as they look like my mother but
I have taught my children the way of my mother’s family which are
considered, in today’s language, witches, and I’ve taught them the
Navajo Way that I was brought up to believe in. It’s difficult at times.
When we pray, Grandfather and Grandmother. Jessica, being autistic,
has not shown much interest in the spiritual. Her mind is so absorbed by
other things that are more pressing. This is a good sign that she asked
to pray to Grandfather. Strange but good.
We stopped at a local park in Wichita Falls and she and I sat under a
tree and meditated together. As I chanted she talked loudly to
Grandfather and she told him about her as if he was sitting next to
her(he might have been) and how she didn’t want to be angry anymore and
could he take this away. We closed our eyes and meditated for a while
as the cool breeze blew. Then she announced, “OK I’m ready”. She hopped
up and started towards the car as if nothing had happened.
Whatever happened I do not know or think I’ll ever know. But I know it was a good sign.