Friday, September 2, 2016

Being Tested

Oh my this has been a rough couple of months. No weeks. No days....MONTHS.

 There is a saying that is directed mainly to senior citizens that it is sad that one has to choose between your medicine or having food in the house.  Unfortunately we have reached that pinnacle. For the past two months, we have been out of food.

Between cardiologists, diabetic wound centers,  GP visits, multiple medications and a specialized and sometimes pricey diet, we became financially drained.

Being a caregiver of a chronically ill spouse is one thing but being a disabled caregiver is quite another. So much so that my college-aged daughter has to balance her studies and being a co-caregiver. I find it sad that a person in her early 20's has to be worried if her parents would be alright if she just goes to a football game with friends.

Being a caregiver has been extremely rough for both she and I attempting to balance the care for a chronically ill parent and an autistic daughter/sister. So much so that my youngest decided a while back not to have any children as she sees all the diseases  that permeate both her mother's and her father's family blood line. Even though I'm disappointed, I cannot blame her. And the most recent events that have left us with barely any food at all have given us a new perspective.

The options to find help have certainly dropped the ball.  The local food bank was useless with their extreme amount paperwork and a very caustic attitude. (They refused us because they decided that our only source of income, my husband's disability check deemed us with too much income)my even family members turned their back on us when we told them of our situation. I called out to friends on social members and only one dear friend came through.

Then....we discovered the $160 dollars that we are supposed to receive for a family of four from food stamps, which is impossible to accomplish by the way,  was denied because THEY didn't send us the paperwork that we have to fill out to renew our food allotment. When we questioned them, they told us that they could give us 'emergency' funds, which means sometimes in the next two weeks.   Just how is that considered emergency??

 "I'm being tested, I'm being tested, I'm being tested". Between tears, angry rants and other emotional outbursts by my family, I could only think of this. I am being tested.

 After all,  I know God knew of our situation and this is just strange that at every turn there is something blocking our ability to feed my family.  I try my best to keep my mind patient and at peace. But it does get difficult."I'm being tested." is all I could do to keep evil thoughts at bay. I even began the song from Sunday school, "Jesus Loves me". I certain Satan loved hearing that!

After two months I am thankful to finally get food via a credit card (no food stamps yet)that just came through. However I must wonder what G-d has in store for us next. Stay tuned...and yes, there will be a test!

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