Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Anger and What to Do With It

Anger and what to do with it.


Recently I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who has had some anger issues. He has always been quick to anger; always wants to accuse they don’t agree with him or even getting ticked off when something he read on social media or in the news that doesn't deserve such emotion.

Unfortunately, I know too many like like him, my husband for one.

I am a calm person and work daily via meditation, Ti chi and reasons both sides of the coin. However, I know I am rare in my behavior.

My friend is the majority. Not only does his brain tell him the opposite, but now, no thanks to our President, society tells him that it is alright to declare this right. 

So why does he and millions others feel a need to lash out both verbally and physical?

Scientists have outlined how anger results from a combination of the trigger events, the qualities of the individual, and the person’s appraisal of the situation.

TRIGGER

For years, people have believed that trigger events are the reason of anger. "That car pulled out in front of me so I had to retaliate"

 This, of course is false because then everyone would strike out. Being a low anger person, my own response would have been to take a deep breath, thank my lucky stars I'm not in a hospital and move on assuming we both were to blame.

Other  markers of being the 'quick to anger' type gets down to personality traits; that experience getting angry quicker. The top ones would be narcissism, competitiveness, low-frustration tolerance .

Then there is what scientists like to call cognitive appraisal. This is how a person appraises certain situations and therefore, react to it.

FAMILY

There are also situations where we inherit out bad disposition. Families that are disruptive, chaotic and haven't been taught that these behaviors are wrong usually have strong desires to follow
their family history.
HOW TO CHANGE
First of all you cannot change people or situations. You are going to run into angry people and bad situations all of your life. Your choice is how you react calmly to them and it. Simple techniques such as yoga, ti chi and meditation help a great deal. Also relaxation imagery and cognitive reconstructing(changing the way you think).

My friend is finally accepting that being angry and blaming others doesn't need to be a way of life. He is working towards a quiet lifestyle in which he takes responsibility. And that is always the first step towards a happy and calm coexistence. 

I just pray that the majority of my country could follow suit. 

 

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